31 August 2008

Letter 3.20

(In the winter of 1974 I received a sheet of onion paper taped to which was a newspaper photo of Norman Rockwell with his arm around Colonel Sanders and two clippings that read, respectively: FARAWAY PLACES COME HOME and National Foundation for Sudden Infant Death, Inc. -- Hūm)

Boulder, Colorado

The snow and I send Thanksgiving greetings and give thanks for what is. Life is so settled for the winter: my world, not being sanforized, has shrunk to the proportions of a job, bike riding, and, soon, some skiing. Dabbling into this that and tither.

A climb up the rabbit hole every once in a while and a peek into the real world, then a scuttle down to the underground warmth. Huddled together at the edge of a mountain, burning a candle and cursing the wind. Why not let the candle be and so forget the wind? I don't know. What would I do then? Curse the darkness, I suppose.

Go gentle into that good night.

V.

Letter 3.19

(During the three years that Bob was home, or not at home but a-roam like the Nepali rhino in America, we saw each other three times. The first time I went to see him in Boulder, Colorado. I don't remember much we said, just taking in each other bemusedly, a few 'rhino' hugs, and the usual banter between sit-down comics. He'd been occupying himself with camping in the Rockies, a girlfriend, a book about his monk years called Getting Off, and a job mixing chemicals in a chemical factory which poisoned him -- giving new meaning to being a working stiff. Our visit ended with a bout of jaundice that landed him in the hospital. As he nodded out of sedation he asked me to read to him from a draft of Worthy Bones I'd brought along. I stopped reading when he appeared to have dropped off. But, eyes closed, not a flicker of waking on his face, he said softly, but very clearly: 'Don't stop.' -- Hūm)

30 August 2008

Letter 3.18

(In the fall of 1973 I received a postcard on the front of which was a Buddha image composed of the sharp shadow and white light reminiscent of a statue in full-moon light. -- Hūm)

Boulder, Colorado

I'm back in Boulder, but not yet in Bouldest: where is it? As the French say, Bould est.

The aspen are turning: the hills are green and gold and gorgeous: sometimes I think autumn is even better than spring.

Tonight: the smell of snow in the air. Tomorrow: the last plums and apples on the trees will freeze and wither -- winter pickings for the birds.

I ride my bike down trails to places where only the wind follows me and spend weekends in a tent.

I trust Ñānavīra's words have arrived and that he still has one or two left to say to you. I have one or two myself, which may be arriving there soon, or may not. Depends on how ambitious I get, depends on the whether.

V.

Letter 3.17

(From Kabul Mikhail, Mirotchka, and I took a rickety bus over a hair-raising mountain road to the valley of Bamiyan; a half day's ride from the city. In a rose-colored cliff there is carved the largest Buddha image in the world. Bamiyan was once a great center of Buddhist culture and learning; then Genghis Khan came to study. Mikhail was particularly awe-struck. That night back in the Gurudwara, I was cutting my toenails, which, in Mikhail's eyes, were apparently flying around the room like a fragmentation bomb. 'You have the most ferocioustoenails I've ever seen!' he ducked. Next morning he explained he'd dropped his first tab of LSD for the Bamiyan trip.

Our paths diverged from there -- he to Taxila, Srinagar, Katmandu, among other places; Mirotchka and I ending up in Shantiniketan, Bengal (once Rabindranath Tagore's ashram; now the site of a fine arts college), where I got down to work on the first draft of Worthy Bones. We lodged with the Datta family, Mr. Datta was a retired civil servant who had worked with both Tagore and Gandhi. Mikhail came from Katmandu to visit us there, staying a few days, before going to Calcutta, where he was ordained as a novice Buddhist monk. At Shantiniketan he spent a good deal of his time playing chess with Mr. Datta. Mr. Datta had become very good at the game while serving a jail term with Gandhi. He was very surprised that Mikhail was his match. Maybe, it was his Russian blood, but Mikhail was a superb player, who probably could have been a master had he devoted himself to it. He once told me that the best computer will never beat even a good chessplayer, because the computer 'can't make use of mistakes, get inspiration from accidents'. As a man born with legs as stiff as they come in the West, I envied how he could sit in lotus position for hours at ease over the chessboard.

One day after he left we got a note from him inviting us to visit him in Calcutta -- he had a few things he'd like to give us (at the time we were quite open to receiving anything that might be converted into, say, food) -- with the note were two train tickets. We noted the address -- the Bengal Buddhist Association, Buddhist Temple Street -- but thought no more about it (We all stayed in all sorts of temples -- free digs, for one thing).

When we got to the temple, we asked to see 'Bob Smith', and got a curious smile from the abbot, then we were ushered into a room full of monks sitting around on the floor. We just saw a small sea of bald heads and orange robes, not a Russian black beard in the lot, and turned to leave, when a picaninny voice at our elbow, piped, 'Is me, boss!' Before we jumped out of our sandals with surprise and delight, I coughed up, 'But is you is or is you ain't?'

That became the traditional one-liner I'd post to Sri Lanka or wherever over the years, when I didn't hear from Bob for several months. He never did answer it, when he answered. Until he, sadly, didn't answer it and didn't answer. -- Hūm)

28 August 2008

Letter 3.16

One morning I set out in glimmering lifting mist for the Monkey Temple, The cold night gave way to a warm, sunny day as I walked across the sacred river which flows through the valley. Buffalo were cooling themselves in the water. Ancient wooden houses, with overhanging second floors, decorated and painted, lined the banks on one side, pagodas and temples were amidst the trees on the other shore. In the farthest distance, as always, the amazing mountains loomed above everything. Even clouds seldom rose to obscure them but huddled lower, sometimes as low as the valley itself. Hard lines and deep shadows hid parts of the peaks.

I passed a beautiful rooster and a man weaving; shuttles, feet, and hands working and moving in fast complex patterns. The rooster watched sternly, now and then pecking at himself. No sidewalks. Few cars. Little unnatural noise. Past a statue of the god Kali, where the Ghurkas hold their annual cow-chopping rites, beheading cows with one blow of their swords. Finally reached a huge hill forest. Steps went way way up, steep but perhaps 1000 feet long with a double railing down the center. Monkeys were everywhere, doing everything: Fighting, eating, staring, scratching; showing very human emotions. They enjoyed sliding down the railing and the ridedid look like fun: a bannister a 1/5 mile long is certainly tempting. Monkeys helped defend this temple against invaders, and so earned perpetual rights.

I attended the afternoon services, where monks chanted texts in rhythmic accord; strong, deep voices in a vertiginous wave; and played drums, cymbals, conch shells, trumpets, and a fantastic clarinet-like instrument, and altogether the music and chanting produced a striking impression, the weird wailing overpowering everything until I became weak and slid to the floor only to find myself on the ceiling. It was the sort of sound that can be neither recorded nor replayed, only felt, intuitively, like a vivid dream.

A couple days later I got a trekking permit and set out for Namche Bazaar, near Everest and the Tibet border. Walked 2½ days out -- it's a 10 day trek -- and 2 days back. It got too much for me. The leeches, mosquitos, dysentery, cold all contributed, and finally 10 miles from the towering 24,000 feet range, 14,000 feet above me, I gave up and turned back. But the sight of those mountains made it all worth while, even fording the icy rivers, and they'll loom large in memory for a long long time.

Today is Saturday: the 'Shabbat' hereabouts. Nepali numbers look like Hebrew script. Another Lost Tribe? (I've lost count.) I'm recovering from my trek with apple-pie. Although some might consider this just the sort of anti-American calumny they'd expect from me, I must declare: the best apple-pie is made in Nepal. Yep, it's as Nepali as apple-pie.

Letter 3.15

Katmadu, Nepal -- '66

I could stay here for a long long time. In my book only Istanbul ranks with it. The quality is very hard to get at that creates a great city. What are some things Katmandu and Istanbul have in common? Certainly the vast number of mosques, temples, pagodas, churches, shrines, stupas, and secular public buildings as fantastically designed. Just to walk past them is a trip. Also people leave you alone. They don't poke their nose in your conversations or simply stare at you all the time like in so many other countries where white skin announces you in no way I appreciate. If I can't expect anonymity here, atleast I'm allowed to proceed with my affairs freely -- as in Istanbul. And -- as in Istanbul -- there are central areas where most everybody lives with everything available. Also wandering around you're always stumbling on some surprising and beautiful spot. Add to that -- here -- the incredible backdrop of the Himalayas. But, really, I can't say just what it is that's so good about Katmandu. It just has the right atmosphere for me.

Bloody cold at night, though, and it doesn't warm up until late morning. The water's so cold it's painful to wash and washing clothes is nearly hopeless -- they don't get clean and take forever to dry -- also the water's so polluted that even the backpack crowd at the Globe and Blue Tibetan won't drink it (even in Kabul, where U.N, doctors warned me that the water was unsafe, I drank it with no problem, so I take this hitcher's injunction to heart).

The U.S. Embassy is – surprise! -- extremely unfriendly and nobody not prepared to be shipped off to Vietnam to be killed can use their toilet.

When I came into Nepal, a rickshaw driver -- a sturdy, smiling Tibetan refugee -- actually tried to help me without wanting money, which amazed me. Unheard of in India. Then I hitched up here without difficulty. Got my first view of the Everest range, 50 miles away and 26,000 to 29,000 feet high. Vast mountains, snow and cloud covered, rearing into the sky almost unearthly; certainly the most gigantic thing I've ever seen from that distance -- and one of the most awesome.

Nepal's two English-language dailies both carried several long pro-Israel articles yesterday, obviously reflecting the King's position. The King, Mahendra looks like Peter Sellers with 5-o'clock shadow and large rimless glasses. Very un-king-like.

So, that's about all I can say -- just that I like it here but don't know why, that I could get hung up here very very easily, but don't want to, atleast this time around.

27 August 2008

Letter 3.14

It seems that I'll be in Kashmir a bit longer than I bargained for, since I've come down with jaundice. I've been to the hospital and had all the tests made. The disease seems to be serious but not at all dangerous, and since there is no medication that can cure it the only cure is rest -- at least 3 weeks in bed. That, the doctor said, does not mean 3 weeks mostly in bed, but 3 weeks flat on your back, 24 hours a day.

I went on a camping trip -- when? I've lost track of time -- west of Srinagar. I walked about 6 miles to lovely small wooded valley, Swiss-alpine almost, enjoyed wandering around, but apparently the strain brought out the jaundice which had been enervating me for weeks with what I thought was a bad cold. I see now it was the incipient jaundice knocking me out -- I'd stay in bed a few days, feel better, go out one day, feel bad, and bang! -- two more days in bed. So the strain of the camping trip finally brought it out and I barely made it back to Srinagar -- very weak, feverish as I've been ever since, until yesterday. I had a bowl of porridge this morning -- I've eaten hardly a thing for days -- and feel a bit stronger though any exertion exhausts me, so I guess I'll have to stay bedridden as the doctor ordered. Thinking about him makes me feel better though. He's English from the Christian hospital. His name is Donald Duck. Doctor Donald Duck. At last -- someone with a more embarrassing name than Bob Smith.

Yesterday I saw a quite spectacular meteor -- I wondered if I was just seeing things -- but today it made the front page of the Indian newspapers nudging from the headlines the usual riots, government corruption, unbelievable barbarism, and natural cataclysms. They'll be back tomorrow.

25 August 2008

Letter 3.13

Srinagar, Kashmir -- '66

The houseboat, which is called the Bluebird, is close to Dal Lake on one of the canals leading to the Jhelum River, by a golf-course. In the morning I sit on the deck eating my English breakfast and watch the pukka-sahibs driving, chipping, and putting. The boat rocks slowly, slightly, as shikaras (Kashmiri gondolas) pass by on the green water, and I look from the golf course to an island, steaming in the mist, or across the road to the tourist shops -- Cheap John, who makes papier maché and not inexpensive toilets; Cheerful Charlie the woodcarver's store, Suffering Moses, purveyors of all tourist items; Worst's, the worsted cloth man -- the names Indians and Pakistanis choose for their businesses always seem to be parody rather than serious. I suppose Cheerful Charlie thinks his store's name to be in the best English tradition and all through Pakistan and India there are Cheap John stores not one of which is a plumber's shop. Signs also amuse me. One in Karachi read 'Public Thoroughfare. Trespassers Will Be Prosecuted' and another on the road I will never understand though I've puzzled over it for some time. It read: 'Preserve trees. Prevent goats. They are you friends. Help Pakistan grow.'

24 August 2008

Letter 3.12

Delhi, India -- '66

When I first entered India ever where I looked on the round I saw these red splotches of spit and was wondering if everyone in the country was tubercular or had some other gruesome disease. Actually, they're just addicted to chewing betel nut, which turns their spit and teeth red. When they smile at you they don't look like vegetarians.

India's a tough country. It reminds me of Israel in a way. Both countries are so varied, ancient and modern, with so many different people, religions, climates, madnesses.

Every Indian seems to have a 'thing' and I've begun to find out some of these 'things'. The first was when, seeking a temple, I walked, rucksack on my back, down a street and was stopped by an Indian who demanded to know how much my pack weighed, 'I don't know,' I told him. 'Don't know? But how is that possible? Take it off and I'll tell you. I can tell you within a pound.' 'I don't care to take it off,' 'What's that? But don't you understand? Free! The weight! You must know how much your pack weighs!' 'Why?' 'Why? Here, tale this.' He produced a large sack from beneath his robes and told me to estimate its weight. I declined. He told me it weighed 17 pounds. He changed its weight every day. He could tell to within one pound how much anything weighed, merely by lifting it. He would tell me, free, how much my pack weighed, I didn't care to take it off, though. I wanted to find the temple. 'But you must know how much it weighs,' he insisted. 'Why?' 'Because...because everyone has a burden, and they must know the weight of their burden,'

He was hooked on weights, That was his 'thing' and he felt that everyone must be fascinated with how much things weighed. His life was based on this idea and when he finally left, perplexed at my resistance to his philosophy, I watched him attack other people with his demands. They usually let him tell how much their packages weighed, and he wandered erratically down the street, a human balance -- accurate to within one pound.

I met another Indian whose thing was collecting either -- I'm not sure which -- photos of large animals or large photos of animals. Perhaps large photos of large animals. He had over 10,000. He couldn't believe that I didn't have any. He wanted to take me to his home and show them to me. All 10,000 of them. And he assured me that everyone in India -- nearly everyone in the world -- was interested in collecting either photos of large animals or large photos of animals.

Other people -- many -- have a thing about money. Get-Rich-Quick schemes. They all dream of amazing wealth without work or responsibility. One man wanted to go to every palm reader in Delhi, get their readings and advice, collate them, average them, analyze them, compare them, and, at last, have certain advice on how to become rich. After that the rest would be easy. He wanted to know if I was also interested in having my palm read.

There are a lot of palm readers in Delhi, but even more beggars. Some are dressed in only a cloth a few inches wide and a few feet long. Some never wear clothes. A few of the beggars are quite well-dressed, though. I suppose that even begging has its successes and failures. The most successful beggars in Israel, by the way, were the Jewish beggars. On one corner I saw a group of ten women begging, their copper bowls in front of them, seated in a line and gossiping so much they hardly had time to bless you or Allah when money dropped in their bowl. Any Westerner who contributes so much as a paise will be descended upon by a swarm of hundreds of beggars -- mostly children -- or the most lame and inane -- all screaming 'Baksheesh!' -- gift! -- at the top of their voices and trailing after you for miles. Some of the most pathetic cripples are hired by entrepreneurs in the begging business; they get their cut for making all the marketing arrangements (such as securing the best spots) and see to it that their clients look pitiful but are kept alive in less torment.

The beggars aren't everywhere. You can walk two or three blocks empty of them, then find ten or so working one intersection. They're always in clusters like the shops. Clusters of shops all selling the same products. Walking down a street I might pass 8 bakeries, followed by 17 household goods stores, a dozen fruit sellers, 5 or 6 druggists, 20 shirt stores, 11 shoe stores, 8 tobacco shops, etc., each group of stores in a cluster. Feast or famine. Specialty items can usually be found in only one part of the city, and if you don't know where you're out of luck.

New Delhi is very beautiful -- in Victorian architecture and English-planned parks. Old Delhi is dusty, crowded, and shaking. There are so many contrasts, so many madmen, so many strange things -- it will be a long time before I can begin to understand it better. But somehow there is, in the Hindus, a collection of attitudes -- hopelessness, greed, corruption, stupidity, intolerance, manias, etc. -- which makes me think Pakistan may be a place of promise, a country succeeding, while India merely bumbles onward in a circle.

23 August 2008

Letter 3.11

(The ruins of ancient Taxila in Pakistan planted in Bob's mind -- and my own -- the seed of Worthy Bones' Mesopotamian Buddhist kingdom of King Agba that was sacked by the White Hun-like Anu, the evacuees of which established their faith on the island of Samadhi in the mouth of the Red Sea where the novel unfolds – Hūm)

Taxila, '66

Taxila was a commercial center of antiquity dating as far back as 5th century B.C., which was finally sacked and ruined by the White Huns in 5th century A.D. There are several interesting sites to the ruins, including remains of Buddhist temples and monasteries. The architecture has a Greco-Indian style to it: robust, yet austere. One site south of the Suhap mound was called the Stupa of Kural. High on a hill it was built by King Asoka of India for his son, Kural. Kural's stepmother had forged a royal dispatch ordering that his eyes be put out. Though the ministers didn't want to carry out the order Kural, stationed in Taxila as his father's viceroy, insisted it be complied with. After being blinded he begged his way back home to India where his father recognized him, had the queen killed, and a Buddhist saint restored Kural's eyesight. Near here I found an old small tea cup, perhaps 4000 years old. North of the Sirkys city-site I also found a Buddha head showing heavy Greek influence, which was of importance here around 2nd century B.C., though Buddhism itself didn't become important here till about 200 years later. It's probably one of the earliest heads, because Scythian and Parthian influences soon dominated -- but I've seen similar heads in the museum so I think my hunch is right. Anyway, these ruins are something -- not that they themselves are so extraordinary -- more like they remind me of something extraordinary...

22 August 2008

Letter 3.10

(At the Iran-Afghanistan border crossing, I first met Bob -- although, as he said, he didn't remember seeing me in Israel, he did remember being seen by me. [1] The Customs man peered at my passport upsidedown, then observing my awry --though not upsidedown -- appearance, asked me -- perhaps, mixing up his English phrase-book phrases: 'Who is your barber?' With the proper deference all petty officials demand, I replied, 'My barber is my tailor.' Not a crack appeared in his solemnity though he did right my passport, and, evidently, was no more convinced by the photo. Bob, however, next in line, cracked up, and then I couldn't hold it anymore, and, for some moments, our gales of amusement held up the traffic at the border. Perhaps to stop -- or atleast get behind him -- our laughter, he shooed us past.

At sunset the bus stopped in Kandahar. The muezzin's last cry of the day and a peculiar fine smog hung over the blue mosque; apparently, after the last prayer everybody in town lights up a pipe of hashish. We walked into a tea house with funny smiles. Seated down the table from me, Bob rolled an eye at me and nudged some head next to him, 'What' that guy on?' 'Pencils,' I chirped. ‘You could die of lead poisoning,' he commented. 'I chew but don't: swallow.' We broke up.

So we bummed to Kabul together. My first impressions of the man: an uncommon gentleness; a thoughtful suffering; a wry humor; a literary bent. Maybe what attracted me most I can't explain -- karma? kismet? who knows? But I knew I sensed one thing about him that I found very appealing; a kind of muted astonishment tinged with aghast incredulity at not only being who he was, where he was, but being at all.

In Kabul we dropped our rucksacks at a Sikh Gurudwara or temple, which allowed the modest traveller to doss down in a big carpeted room for free. My first sight of Bob there was him snoozing on his unrolled sleeping bag in a corner. Beside him was a kind of mosquito coil for flies, I guess, because around it was a pile of dead flies. Between ourselves -- me and another new travelling companion a Ukrainian-Canadian woman named Mirotchka (who would marry me a few years later and divorce me a few years later) -- we called 'Mikhail' (as he called himself) 'Flies'. I remember being impressed about how 'out of this world' he appeared in sleep. Later I had other occasion to remark how soundly he slept; plumbing the depths of Morpheus' realm. [2] Perhaps his experience of sleep suggested his facility to meditate. I remember he sometimes could drop off rather unexpectedly. He once mused aloud about the possibility of having a touch of narcolepsy -- some chemical imbalance. At the time, some chemical imbalance was self-induced: a troubled time; his quest for relief getting a desperate edge -- the perennial recipe for radical decision.

After leaving Israel until he took the monk's vows in Calcutta -- for about a year -- he experimented with drugs. 'Experiment' is the operant word here -- I remember seeing him gently stoned, but no more, and I doubt he harbored any romanticism about being a junky; besides, it had already dawned on him that everybody was already a junky, a junky of their delusions, and he, with or without drugs, was trying to find a way to get, in the deepest sense, 'straight'.

Still I sensed the well of sadness he carried with him -- from Israel and, no doubt, before -- and its chemicals atleast were telling on him -- so when he took the robe and renounced dope of all persuasions, my relief was only second to his – Hūm)

____________________________

[1] In a letter to his father from Afghanistan Bob mentions 'an American writer, a serious avant-garde type whose plot and style are a wild and rushing means of dealing with themes that strike me as unfortunately banal -- questions of existence and reality' -- mea culpa – Hūm

[2] His father's mother escaped from Czarist Russia: with a baby, she was smuggled out of the country in a group with a guide; marching at night, sleeping, hiding in the woods during the day, putting morphine in the babies' bottles so they wouldn't cry -- Hūm.

21 August 2008

Letter 3.9

[Letter 3.9]

Istanbul-Tehran, '66

Thunder Over Troy

Carriage horses clop along the cobbled streets of Chanakoy.
The hotel window, varnished by the rain, is two-toned: lights and black.
Electric blur of lights are broken rhythms to the lightning, envoy
of a past beneath my feet. I never felt my past would lack

a future till today I walked among the discovered stones of Troy
and cold and wet I searched but could not find a coin to take away
with me, and then I saw I really hadn't even past. Alloy
must be forged with care and circumspection to avoid decay.

I'll sleep beneath the thunder, huddled small. The word I speak destroy
as much, I'd like to think, and vainly seek confirming evidence
in poems but, in this room, cold beneath my depths, I have neither joy
nor home nor Homer, for my tale is one based on impermanence.

20 August 2008

Letter 3.7

On Tuesday, my lawyer, Mr. Levi, told me I had to get the name of the cop who broke my rib and hurt my arm. I said I was afraid to go back to the station, but he (and others) told me not to be silly, so back I went. To make the story short -- I'm so sick of it by now -- the cops refused to tell me the name of my attacker, and did so so obnoxiously and insultingly that I finally said, 'Oh, go to hell', and walked out. They arrested me, beat me up, and threw me in jail. I needed a doctor very much, and, as I found out later, some people found out I was in jail and tried to get a doctor for me, but the police wouldn't let him see me.

That was Wednesday and I was charged with disturbing the peace and resisting arrest. (I may have 'disturbed' their 'peace' -- as they disturbed mine -- but I didn't resist arrest.) The next day I went to Beersheva -- I was taken there in a paddy wagon, that is -- and was remanded for 8 days and refused bail on the grounds that I might 'intimidate the witnesses'. The only witnesses against me, of course, were the police, and it was a kangaroo court. Saturday -- surprise -- the consul came to see me, got the police to guarantee to let me see a doctor, a lawyer, and have visitors; and -- surprise -- they didn't let me see a doctor or lawyer. I did get to see my girlfriend, Tove, for two minutes, however, because one cop disobeyed his boss's orders -- so he told me -- by letting me see her. Jail conditions I won't describe. Call it the Palestinian suite.

Finally on Tuesday I went to court for a preliminary hearing and was released on 2000 pounds bail, which friends brought up from Eilat out of their own very thin pockets. The charge has been changed to; 1) trespassing 2) insulting the police 3) disturbing the peace. Nothing at all is being done about the beating (the first). I still don't even know the cop's name. (The second beating I had coming: for getting the first beating.) But I'm free until tomorrow, Friday, when I go back to court for trial. I expect to be found guilty even though I'm not. The maximum sentence is 3 years 7 months and/or 13,500 pounds.

Yesterday I went into hysterics for a while because of this and other things that have been building up and I'm afraid to go into town -- for fear of the police -- if they get me again... maybe they'll finish their work. And I can't leave because of the bail and they have my passport.

I don't know what else to say -- I'm sure I've forgotten something important, but I don't know what yet, If you don't hear from me for some time it will probably be because I'll be in jail and can't get any letters out.

19 August 2008

Letter 3.6

Remember the Newsweek article about the 'hippie haven' in Eilat? Well, probably some pressure was put on the Eilat police and Sunday three friends, Ben, Pia, and Gina were going to the hospital to visit Dieter, who was there with a torn muscle, when the police picked them up and took them to the station where they held Ben 'for investigation' while releasing the two women. They wouldn't let anyone see Ben that day, so Monday I went with Pia and Gina to the station to find out if Ben had been charged with anything and if we could see him. The cops told us to wait and we did, I stood quietly by the desk while the women sat down. We waited for about an hour, when, for reasons unknown -- since I hadn't done anything but sand quietly by the desk waiting for information -- two of the cops began shouting at me in Hebrew, which I couldn't understand, when suddenly a third cop barged into the room and grabbed my arm, shouting in my face, 'Let's go:' I began to reach few my bag of groceries on the floor when he suddenly pulled my arm and pushed me up against the edge of a door. While I was still off balance he shoved me out onto a flight of steps, which I fell down. When I went to the hospital later X-rays showed that I had a broken rib and a dislocated arm.

I've contacted a lawyer, who is preparing a case and seems to think it's pretty airtight -- I've got witnesses and a medical report -- for assault and battery and a civil suit for damages. I can get about with some difficulty (the hospital gave me pain pills) but am, of course, unable to work, I've also written the embassy, though from previous experience with them, I gather I'm not the sort of 'American abroad' to elicit much sympathy.

In the meantime, Ben has disappeared. We know he's no longer in jail, but no one's been allowed to see him and no one will tell us where he is. He's almost certainly not in Eilat. Maybe with a little inducement he confessed that the colony preys on the purity of Israeli youth and masterminds the drug-smuggling in the Middle-East.

Yesterday three more friends were picked up and it's from what they shouted through the bars of the jail that we know Ben has disappeared. None of us even dare to walk down the street alone any longer, but I can hardly leave at this point with a cracked rib, wrenched arm, and funds depleted by medical expenses.

So that's the situation as of now -- a matter of concern, but not a matter to become frantic about -- my lawyer seems on top of it.

18 August 2008

Letter 3.5

The election here is over and so is the faction that favored leaving the beach colony alone -- not out of kindness, but as a source of cheap labor. Rumors are rife they're going to bulldoze us under (though that would be a bit of a public spectacle, and maybe some immigrants don't have short memories of such actions) or burn us out (easy as felafel: just slip a few shekels to unemployed sephardim).

I doubt the climate with the bureaucracy can get much worse, in any case -- they're about as mean-spirited a bunch as I've ever had the misfortune to encounter.

You could say my sympathies for the country (except for the kibbutz and the desert) are at a low ebb. Any day now I could open my mouth and out could slip the words 'Occupied Palestine', and then they'd know what to do with me (unless I know first).

Letter 3.4

Eilat, late '65

My estate is beachfront. The Queen of Sheba hotel is halfsway around the bend of the gulf, Aqaba, in Jordan and opposite me is the red mountain range which was at Ein Gedi and extends south behind Aqaba. Farther south I can see the tiny white cubes of native houses and the cliffs of Sandia Arabia, and, if I walked about 6 miles south on the Israeli side, I'd reach the coral beach and, just beyond it the border with Gaza. The water is very blue, a mirror of the sky, not red, nor has it parted yet, though if it does, I shall cross over.

My mansion is my tent with reinforced walls of pieces of plywood, which I'm told is from artillery shell boxes, and seem to be plentiful among the flotsam of war and peace washed onto the beach.

Like us.

There's actually quite a little squatters colony here -- most of the abodes are temporary, go up and down like the tides, but not all; a few fisherman's huts I are more permanent. I've found that most of the community are people like myself -- travelers, just stopping on the way, to do some work, get something behind them, or just be quiet, have time to think, watch the world go by.

I'm working as a handyman at a hospital -- part time and sometimes more -- and, as my expenses are minimal, am managing to save most of it for my ongoing trip -- probably East -- though when it will go on again I don't know, Right now I'm content to watch the stars, listen to the surf, swim in the moonlight, and even scratch the sand fleas.

As a hospital handyman shouldn't look too much like, er, a beachnik, I've made a convenient discovery: an abandoned kibbutz about ½ mile away, which still has running water, etc., and even the showers and toilet work!

I'm getting so I can half converse in Hebrew on the job, but reading and writing is something else! With no vowels, and some consonants that can be pronounced various ways (like different letters in English), I can read something and get some strange meanings or none at all. In short, if you don't already know the word you can't know how to pronounce it: Catchim 22! I'm content to speak a little and be illiterate. (Registered Jewish -- so I can't swim over to Jordan --only sink.)

16 August 2008

Letter 3.3

The third flood of the wadi was very minor. Friday night, about 5:30, it filled up to a level and speed slightly less than that of the first flood. By Saturday AM it was virtually gone, with only a slight brook, about 3 feet across, 3 inches deep, and clear and drinkable, left. This brook has persisted and flows even today. The rest of the wadi is dry, hard, slippery-no-longer mud, beginning to show cracks from the sun's usage, and rocks, stones, and pebbles are imbedded in it like cheap jewelry.

We've gone onto a fairly steady 6 AM to 5 PM shift now, 6 to 1 on Saturday. (Sunday, of course, is a weekday.)

The Peace Corps rejected me. I got a letter stating that I was medically unqualified, because of my sinus, They said that while my condition may not hinder me here, when I got overseas it might. I wrote back informing them that I already was overseas, as overseas as one can get, and that if working to reclaim the desert 70 hours a week didn't affect me it wasn't bloody likely that teaching English would. To no avail.

Sunday and Monday we had a huge dust storm here which blotted out the mountains even the near ones, made a specter, pale and evanescent, of the sun, and crept under the doors, through the screens, into our mouths, into pores of our skin. The entire world turned powdery white. Not yellow, as I'd always imagined dust storms -- I suppose because the Negev isn't a sand desert -- but white. High winds kept the dust circulating for two days. What a mess to clean up after!

I've been verging on a decision to stay here -- to become a member of the kibbutz and remain permanently in Israel. I love the life here -- the work is the only I've found substantial and meaningful. The socialistic way of life suits me -- the faults in the system are few, and those that bother me, in fact, are usually because they are undesirable reversions to capitalism. (Down with revisionism!) I get along well with most of the people, and the Negev, of course, is wonderful. I haven't made a final decision yet and keep wavering between several alternatives. At the moment, though, I think I had better wait for three reasons. One: I think it would be impossible to escape the Israeli army until I'm beyond the age of draftability (30?). Second: I have only been on the one kibbutz and I should see others to have a basis for comparison. Third: I still want to see more of the world and I'm afraid that if I don't the desire will get stronger and stronger while I become more and more committed to the soil here. Perhaps I better get the wanderlust out of my system first. So, at the moment, my plans are to leave here next month for Eilat, where I'll work for a few months (work's easy to come by, I'm told, about 20 times better paying than the kibbutz,and probably 20 times less satisfying, but I can camp on the beach for free, and so save a lot), then head off either south to Africa or east to Asia... we shall see...

The most important of many things I've learned in my seven month stay here is why I left the U.S. and what I am looking for. When I left I knew that I had to, that there was a dissatisfaction so basic and profound that no amount of social reform could change it, no amount of withdrawal less than total would allow me to escape it. Even now, knowing what it is, I find it difficult to plainly state my case. It has to do, though, with a sense of values that has become not only distorted but artificial. It is distorted, for instance, to want a new car every year -- and I mention this not as a major complaint, but only a minor but common symptom of a far more important illness from which I am attempting to recover -- because the reasons are ones of pride of possession rather than pride of accomplishment, a desire to be ahead (and above) others rather than equal with them, a certain exertion of authority and power that I find wholly repugnant. But it is also artificial because the desire does not spring naturally from the complex of forces within a dynamic culture but is placed there through advertising, propaganda, and example to induce the consumption, acquisition, and waste necessary to prevent the society from collapsing upon itself.

I'm not expressing myself well. My own collections of many things were the personal symptoms of a wide-spread American disease that places emphasis upon Most; Fastest; Biggest; Newest; etc. and equates these quantitative things with the very different qualitative thing: Best. That's wrong to the point of immorality. But even this, I think is a symptom of a larger, more dangerous thing I've tried to escape from. Perhaps you can see what I'm driving at -- at the basic sickness of mind, a perverted and distorted sense of values that makes it moral to kill your neighbor if he tries to break into your fallout shelter -- or even allows that such a thing needs to be discussed; at a society that can murder to maintain a dictatorial, unpopular puppet regime in Saigon, or refuse the Dominicans the right to a freely elected and popular president, and then, after these murders, rapes, and tyrannies, frown and tut-tut and shake its head disparagingly because someone reads Joyce. Or Miller. Or Balzac. A society where a woman can die in screaming agony on the streets from an insane man's knife and not turn on a light or make a phone call -- surely such a society can be no more sane and no more innocent than the crazed murderer.

And the cure is so basic, so deep-rooted, that it will never be affected. You know the things -- relatively minor things -- that happened to me personally right up to the moment of departure, when the government tried to stop me from leaving the country. These have affected me, as have all the impersonal, or distant, things, and I have been seeking a society free of this. I may have found it on the kibbutz -- if not in Israel. And I may not have. I'm not certain yet. The reasons I'm leaving Ein Gedi are related to all of what I've written, in an obtuse way. There's, not space left to go into it here, nor have I the energy, for I'm rather exhausted mentally right now, as another episode -- the Desert Months? -- of my life is ending, but be patient and in time I'll try to explain more about what has happened here -- and in myself.

15 August 2008

Letter 3.2

Ein Gedi, 1965

The wadi is flooded. The wadi is the watercourse which collects water during the rains in the desert and carries them off in great flash floods. The wadi which separates the kibbutz from the fields on one side and everything else on the other originates in Jerusalem: we're on a mesa. When it rains a lot in Jerusalem the waters pour off the hills there into our wadi, course through the Wilderness of Judea (we're actually right on the edge between the Wilderness and the Negev), and finally muddy brown and roaring, plunge down 1300 feet of rapids to the Dead Sea. Yesterday about a 6 inch wide stream of clear water was trickling through the wadi. It rained all last night here and, presumably, in Jerusalem, and this morning the water was about 10 feet across and 3 or 4 feet deep. The wadi itself is about 25 feet across so it's not a total flood. When it's a total flood it is impossible for anything to pass by and all our food and supplies must be flown in by helicopter. This happens almost every year. The floods are late this year, however, so it might not happen.

The best thing about the wadis being flooded is that it is not possible to get to the fields to work, so we have today off, The worst thing is the wind and rain preceding it. We have sheets of plastic covering most of the crops to protect them from bad weather and cold, and Saturday the gales became so strong they tore some of the plastic strips off and everybody had to rush down to the fields and work like crazy for about 2 hours to put the plastics back and protect the crops. We have, just last week, transplanted 80,000 tomato seedlings into a field 15 acres big. I planted about l,5 miles of plants myself, every 16 inches apart. This plastic had torn loose and was a devil of a time getting back in place. Some people are calling me to go down the mountain (we're about 300 feet above Dead Sea level) and have a closer look at the wadi.

11:00 AM

The above was written at 9:00. By 10:00 it had begun raining hard, we were by the wadi, and it had reached its full expanse of 25 feet, It's narrower, deeper, and faster farther up the mountains. We walked up the pathways along the wadi for about an hour, crossing into Jordan by the way, and finally found shelter under an overhang. As we sat there resting (very rugged terrain, hard walking) just ahead came a huge crash which might have been a cannon until we saw huge boulders cascading into the wadi, hundreds of feet to fall by now. At this point we decided we'd had enough. Graham, an experienced rock climber, decided it was too dangerous. More boulders came crashing down opposite us on the other side of the wadi. We ran along as pebbles and small stones rolled down. There were occasional great crashes as something big fell somewhere. Eventually we got back to where the mountain sheers off instead of sloping. Here there's a broad expanse. On our right, when we had left there had been no water. Now it was already flooded several feet making the expanse an island. Even as we stood in the center we saw a trickle of water flowing down threatening to divide the island in half. So we ran to the shallowest point and forded the right side of the wadi. The great Italian boots I got last May kept me dry, everyone else had soaked feet.

We climbed back up the path to the kibbutz, As we looked back one half of the island had disappeared. A waterfall had broken through the path leading to the fields leaving a sheer 8 foot cliff -- impossible to anything except our bulldozer, which will be busy when the waters subside.

In the distance we can see 300 foot waterfalls cascading down sheer cliffs of huge mountains bathed in clouds; and even as I write this in my room I can hear the roar of the wadi's waters far away.

The roads are quite impassable now, and I expect if the waters don't subside by tomorrow we'll have food flown in and the pregnant women will be flown out.

8:30 PM

The kibbutz, we found out at lunchtime, has been trying to reach Jerusalem all morning. The only connection is by radio-telephone and atmospheric conditions were so bad they couldn't get through. (Jerusalem, on a map, is actually very close to us. It's only the border that makes it such a long way round.) Finally the weather broke about noon and the sky cleared up a bit. About l:45 the helicopter came. I know they didn't take anyone back with them, but couldn't see if they landed anything. It certainly wasn't mail if they did, and probably not food judging from dinner tonight. It went away shortly and no other helicopters came to-day.

Not only is the road impassable because of the water, but huge boulders and rockslides have obliterated sections of the road. It will take at least a day with full work teams to clear what's there now. And about 5:00 it began raining again and is still raining. The best weather report we can get indicates rain in Jerusalem, so there's very little chance of the flood receding tomorrow.

Wednesday.

Yesterday a big helicopter came -- one that could hold 9 people -- and unloaded vast supplies of bread, milk, eggs, cheese, etc. We were almost on the point of running out of everything but chocolate bars, so it was very welcome indeed. The helicopter took some people back with it.

Today it rained a little but the waters have receded to only a trickle, leaving tons of soil on the road. A truck went out this morning (or perhaps the Jeep) and made it to En Bakek and back with more supplies. The roads might be cleared by the end of the week. There's been no mail in or out for 3 days now -- I don't know why the truck (or Jeep) couldn't have taken mail or brought it back, but it didn't. Perhaps En Bakek is also cut off, but I don't think so -- it's half way to Beersheva, and the floods shouldn't be as bad there.

Tuesday,

The wadi is flooded again! This is the first time it has ever flooded twice in one year. Rains in Jerusalem melted the unusually heavy snowfall in the hills and made their way down here.

This morning we went out to work in tremendous winds and uncertain rain, preparing a new tomato field by laying out plastic strips over each furrow to protect the plants we'll put in from the winter weather. We wanted to finish today, so we worked through to the end, about l2:45. Just as we finished the truck came to the fields to take us back, tearing along like hell. They'd heard from Jerusalem that floods were imminent. We piled on and crossed the dry wadi. It's about a two minute ride from the wadi to the kibbutz, As soon as we got there we ran to the edge of the mesa and saw a wall of water tumbling down the wadi. If the truck had been three minutes later we would have either been trapped on the other side or washed into the Dead Sea!

This is the view of the cultivated area from the kibbutz on the mesa: across the north bank of the wadi is a large field of egg plants, onions, peppers, and new dates; in the wadi itself we have five smaller fields (two empty, one cucumber, and two tomato), which are separated by five walls -- these fields are bounded by a sixth wall with windbreaks (at the east and west corners), by an unpaved road to the south, by the main paved road to the east, and Wall l to the west.

We watched the water rise quickly. The water piled up against Wall 1 finally pounding it down and pouring in. Wall 2 never had a chance and crumbled immediately. If Wall 3 went the road will have dropped low enough for the water to flow around Walls 4 & 5, wiping out 20,000 cucumbers and 80,000 tomato plants -- the ones we put in just a few weeks ago with so much effort and work.

The roar of the water was tremendous. In the distance huge waterfalls fell hundreds of feet, feeding the wadi with more floodwater strength. Water poured through Wall 2, ripping it to pieces, rushing against Wall 3, which held, and held, and, finally, slowly, began to leak water under its foundations and, as we all watched in silence, it collapsed.

The protective plastics, which had shimmered in the sun, were swept away instantly, uselessly, and the fields were covered and drowned. The work that was lost!

The water flooded over the road and washed to the sea.

We went down to the road later and found a swift river flowing across it, which Sol and I decided to ford. The water was bitterly cold, and running very fast. It rose no higher than my knees, but the splash as it hit me rose to my thighs. We held on and moved across it, finally reaching Wall 6. There was, of course, no question of crossing the wadi. Huge boulders, 200-300 pounds, were leaping through the air like frogs, crashing against each other with great thudding clashes constantly, so swiftly did the water flow. It crept up over the bank on the other side and carved a path through the peppers and the young date palm plantation. It began to undercut the wall just beyond where we were standing. Whole trees bobbed to the surface, were pulled under, and reappeared five seconds later 100 yards farther on. We took photos, then turned back as the water cut deeper under the wall. Returning we had to go against the current. We had to walk on the road, where it was swiftest, because everywhere else it was too deep.

Finally we felt it was too dangerous to cross the main flow. It had picked up much force in just the last few minutes. we stood there, wet to our thighs in freezing water, unable to go farther, when, after about 5 minutes, the tractor came down with Franco driving it. He cut through the water and pulled us in. On the way out the wheels of the tractor were slipping slightly. And this current was nothing, nothing whatsoever, compared with the speed of the water in the wadi!

So we got out safely. About 30 minutes later Wall 6 gave way, flooding the entire area where we were and finishing the few tomatoes that had survived the previous deluge.

Once again, of course, there was no traffic, no mail, only a mile wide circle of muddy water in the Dead Sea, very clearly defined, shaving the range of the flooded wadi's force, and, miles to the south, a second ring showing the impassability of that other wadi. I've washed the mud off of me and am lying here in bed, still listening to the roar, penetrating even here, of the wadi far below.

Saturday.

Late Tuesday night we saw car headlights to the south. Somebody was trapped just south of the lower wadi, between it and the En Bakek wadi. Heid probably been there since the wadis flooded, about 1:00. They got him out about 12:30 at night, I don't know how, but we saw the Jeep he was in the next day. It was a total wreck.

By Wednesday the waters were low. Thursday they were gone and a huge mud flat surrounded the areas where the windbreaks were, which is just beginning to dry. We've been working long and hard hours since then to repair the damage and we're almost caught up now.

Early Friday morning Moshe's wife had twins and last night the kibbutz had a celebration for its first multiple birth. So life goes forth-and multiplies.

14 August 2008

Chapter III: Letter 3.1

Chapter III
Getting There

The Negev, 1965


The Negev

Bound between the reaches of two mountain ranges,
     born within the heart of anger,
     left beneath the stench of sulfur dust
     precipitating slowly on the ruins of that birth,
     the Negev's first uncertain days -- when strata buckled
     between phases of a crazed and frantic ride
     and deranged chasms' crumbling sands first bore the brunt
     of the decimated yet unblunted boulders' fall --
Those first uncertain days were meant
     not as creation but as death. Destruction
     was the purpose of that force which thrust against the land,
     and surely, in the tumble and the rise,
     was too improbable to ever have been planned.

The Israelites were first to know the product of creation's wrath
     and named it as the Negev: their Desert of the South.
And terrified they fled at its birth, or tried to;
     tiny figures climbing slowly from the death below
     along precipitous and jagged salt-stone cliffs.
Though it could be owned by no one it had worth,
     and first was used by Jews for patient centuries.
And then the others came from unknown races,
     wanderers and settlers in search of any place
     that could be half a home; and they competed for it
     with the sun, aridity and rocks which
     were they soil still could not be farmed
     and only barely grazed. These others left their signature, a scratch,
     upon enduring surfaces. The Jews left nothing more.

Successive waves of conquerors were conquered,
     driven off from what they strove to own
     by newer nations or by something else,
     and not the desert, this, for rock and stone
     have many times before been domineered by man.
     That thing which drove man back cannot be known,
     is greater even than the land:
          the pattern and the interplay
          of force and need which feed the desert
          are what make the lack of life
          so plausible. The energy derived
          is much too varied to be held
          and far too great to be controlled.
          On what kills man, the desert thrives.


Assyrian, Roman, Greek, and Turk,
     the hundred other great, the thousands, lesser
     lurk briefly behind weak shadow-lines
     or tread cautious lives
     beneath the weight of too much sky
     until they're driven off by
          rushing floods of heat.
     leaving behind their signs:

          The coins, all green and
                              weathered,
                              scattered,
          lie in distances apart
          from those that can be
                              measured,
          distances of mind, not only
                              miles and time.
          The potsherds, reconstructed
                              now by man,
          lie broken with the shattered bones
          within which minor tales of minor
                              shames and battles
          lie muted beneath the Negev's
                              other claims.
          And stones which were once walls,
          spaced and salted with evaporated sweat
          of strife against a witless force
          too great to know and therefore called by man
                              in plural as 'the elements',
          lie in broken and half-broken mounds,
          reclaimed and half-reclaimed by the
                              surrounding wasted span
          of sandless half-spent half-certainty
                              of Negev's rocky grounds.
          These signs, and more, lie dormant and unseen
          along the shifting scheme of hill and plain
          that calls itself by no name that we know
          but which we call the Negev.

And of these signs that man has left behind
(and often, unplanned, stayed behind himself)
no one is mark of mandate nor of claim
to having held the will, volition -- state it as you will --
of elements or strengths or surfaces or depths,
not so much as the least stone part of that
untamed rim within his hand.
     For if the Negev can have masters they are these:
the energies and elements which, so long before --
     when Lot's vain wife first beheld the fires of destruction --
almost as an accident created from that strife
     (by destruction of the Cities of the Plain);
the desert which depends yet on these for its --
     let's not call it life, but surely it is something more
     than mere existence; instead let's call it
     continuity;
     the Great Sahara, South and to the West
     a wasteland as you'd think a desert ought to be --
     sweeps its sands across the Sinai shelf,
     and keeps the Negev separate from itself
     by northwest-running granite hills,
     a vastness which can spill those unknown forces that maintain it
     out across the breach into the Negev's lands
     in a final flickering of blurred strained strength
     beyond whose power the Sahara is spent
     so that the essence of the desert is transferred
     but character is lost and no imprint is lent,
     no genetic pattern is impressed. The Negev stands
     dependent but irrevocably alone.

The granite hills define its western reach.
The northern Negev has no border.
     Here the combinations, tempers, of the air,
     undefined, disordered, wavering as mist before a wind,
     hold back expansion, but two things there are
     that can draw a line through and then say:
     'the desert ends right here'. Though really,
     though the Negev's not the world its end
     is as uncertain as a fading whimper.
We draw our line across a hundred miles
     (we must lest we allow a nether land
     which, as we cross it, might extend
     its lack of certainty, exactness, onto us
     so that we find ourselves as vague
     and ill-defined, abstract).

We gaze then on the surface of the world's deepest rift,
where oily waters, salted far beyond
the limits any life can tolerate
keep chained in secret far below its shores
those still lost Cities of a near-forgotten,
buried, once sweet fruitful Plain.
The Dead Sea still seeps sulfur fumes
where Sodom once reigned royal and Gomorrah
grazed her herds of sheep and goats.
Now drifting muted waters sweep those shores
where some drear and gnarled trees before
the mountains loom like moonscape, leaping
from the bottom of that stained defeated stand of strife,
of raped and dread depleted land.

Midway between the Dead Sea and the Mediterranean
appears the one tired mark where man's slight spark of fire
has endured within hostile terrain. Beer Sheva bears the signature
not merely of an Arab settlement, lost beside some wells,
which grew too quickly after far too many mired years
of service to the struggling camel trains
that single-file, slowly, cross the southern hills.

It grew too tame too fast when Israel's men
reclaimed the desert they'd deserted at its birth
and massed new matter to the flawed and crumbling edge
of Arab's baked adobe, Bedouin tent, and raw unshaded sun
until one has almost to sift beneath the new facade
of frontier toughness and technology,
the khaki-clad and weaponed pioneer,
whose strides are swift and forward,
to find the dark-eyed boy, the deep-eyed one,
                              suspicious and bewildered,
kaffiyeh headdress hiding cunning of a kind
                              we cannot know,
robes to ankle-length disguising
the curved glint of a silver-sheathed blade;
the deep-eyed youth of a culture aged too quickly
                              with no place left to go.

Beer Sheva bears the marks not just of man's,
but of the desert's sons.
Too far beneath the northern rich green fields
the Negev's dust stalks the streets and wields
the power ancient prophets sought to yield
from wilderness: the roll of distant drums
beaten by a drummer yet unknown.

And as escaping heat waves speed in from the distant Sinai hills
and spill their strife across the torn and sunken Negev floor,
they lap against the Jordan mountains which retain
and hold that quintessence on which the Negev feeds.
The Jordan mountains grant the desert life
and something more: a mold, a shape, by which to be
contained. Structured. Defined. Entrapped and real.

And to the South the desert narrows
like some insane inverted pyramid,
a shell that pours its vital marrows
splashing, spent, into the unplumbed slash
of depths that are the Red Sea's floor.

And where, at the tidal line, the Negev's plain is buried
and confined, the Red Sea carries on the chore
of being that which drums apart the Jordan height
from the Sinai hills, separating them
with timeless unrepentant unforgiving might.

If the Negev can have masters they are these
the elements that gave it birth, the energy
and interplay that give it continuity,
the deserts, mountains, that surround it,
                              and the seas.

13 August 2008

END



End of Chapter II


Digging In, Digging Out






Letter 2.65

Perhaps you should read this letter sitting down. To begin with -- an event that should make you happy -- I've disrobed. Yesterday I went out to Ananda Kuti, the local Theravada Buddhist temple, and announced my intention. 'That's perfectly alright,' Ven. Amritananda, the chief monk of the temple, told me. 'There's no obligation for anyone to be a monk longer than he wants. ' He's a very fine person who made the whole business very simple, amiable, and light, when with others it could have been much more difficult, and I'm quite grateful to him. So, it took only a few minutes to change into some clothes I'd borrowed -- I'm having some things made for me, Nepali trousers and a Tibetan shirt -- and I walked out a layman again.

It's ironical, I guess, that this should happen in the same place where, almost 6 years ago, I more or less decided on ordination: Nepal is a strange and magical place for me, and -- although I dislike mystical explanations -- I'd be unwilling to say that the valleys and snow-covered mountains played no part in the decision to disrobe. Certainly, though, other factors are also involved. Perhaps it wouldn't be possible to explain them all (perhaps I don't even know them all), and, perhaps, too, you are satisfied simply to know that what you've wanted has happened, without caring about why, but still something might be said.

After having written that last sentence I thought for some minutes about what might, in fact, he said. How can I summarize these years of inner development? So much has happened that even a bare outline would be a major effort; yet an outline, bereft of the significance of detail, would be meaningless. Perhaps, though, the central themes would revolve around the ideas of understanding my own capacities and limitations, and of finding that things must be done in the proper order: I didn't know, when I was ordained, that one must be a good layman before one can be a good monk, and that some qualities are better cultivated in the city and not the forest.

Naturally, there have been some immediate influences which helped bring me to a position where I could accept these things -- influences, that is, other than the eternal Himalayan snows. (One day a bunch of friends climbed into a landrover -- incredible vehicle! -- and we went up to a hill near the Tibetan border, camped overnight, and watches the sunrise over the mountains. Everest, far to the East, was a very minor peak on the horizon. Annapurna was brilliant. There was a frisbee; a campfire; a guitar. Very windy and cold. Very beautiful! But how to enumerate then, weigh them, or evaluate them? of what value to do so? But even without explanations, I know you will be happy to know I've disrobed, and that the years as a monk have been valuable, useful, and peaceful: they were not wasted.

I've been in the hospital. The trouble itself turned out to be not very Serious -- an infection; but because it was located in the urinary tract it was very painful, and I had to be taken to the hospital and was kept doped up for a day and a half. Also at first it was thought to be appendicitis (the pain was general rather than localized) and I was prepared for surgery before the doctors found out what was wrong. However, I've now been released and need only some mild antibiotic (ampicillin) for a few days, The hospital was very good -- a Western missionary affair with British and Canadian doctors -- but also expensive: the bill was over $30. (My sense of the expensive is no doubt in for a shock.)

I am accepting your offer of a ticket to the States. I have some ideas of what I might do there -- especially what I might not do there -- but right now these are just ideas, not plans.

I would, presently, even like to avoid the preconceptions which are the prerequisite of pre-plans.

By the way, the rhinoceros (which is on the Indian aerogramme) is found in some of the valleys of Nepal. I don't know if they're found in the Indian Himalayas, but they're certainly not exclusively African, any more than the lion, elephant, camel, or ibix.

I feel rather like one roaming back to America.

12 August 2008

Letter 2.64

While the usefulness of the sessions was limited -- the limitations of a large group of uneven and different practice (the teacher knew what he was doing, but it was not what I was doing) -- at the very least I got in some days of intensive meditation, which did me good; practice tends to degenerate under the travelling conditions of the last two months.

After the sessions, I took a four hour bus trip north to Rajgir, ancient Rajagaha -- south of Patna (you won't find any of the Buddhist pilgrimage places on any map but a historical map): here is found the cave where the First Council met a few months after the Buddha's death to decide what to do with the Teaching; also are found many places where the Buddha lived, and they all have stories behind them, told in the Suttas. Rajagaha was the ancient capital of the Kosala Kingdom, and is surrounded by hills which provide a natural fortification, atop which huge walls, about 40 miles in length still stand today in partial ruins. There are many tales of the kingdom to be gleaned by scattered references in the Suttas. As there were 2500 years ago, there are natural hot springs, and public bathing tanks have been built. I found one item not mentioned in the tourist guide books: while searching for a particular place I made some wrong turn and got into some heavy bush atop a hill. As the cowtrack began petering out I stopped to look around and thought of turning back, when I smelt a penetrating, rather noxious odor, which was vaguely reminiscent of something. I looked around for the source and saw nothing, and then looked down -- almost at my feet was a rotting human corpse. Actually, to be accurate, it was only the top third of a corpse, from the chest up, without arms. It was probably one to two months old -- half the flesh on the skull still remained; but I'll spare you the details. I went back to an old Jain temple where some Indians were sitting and told them of what I'd found. They were curious to see it, so I took them back to it. They examined the corpse, and I was eventually able to learn that they knew who it was, and who had murdered him, but they had no intention of doing anything about it. As a matter of fact, neither did I, and for all I know it's still there. It's the first time I've seen a really ripe body -- seen? I nearly stepped on him. Although the Buddha suggested the contemplation of such things as a little exercise in reality -- the glorious future of every one of us -- it certainly put me off my lunch.

From Rajgir it's only a few miles to Nalanda, the site of one of the greatest ancient universities, where 10,000 students attended classes at its peak -- it was about 700 years old when it was destroyed in the Moghul invasion of the 13th century. A new university has been established close by the ruins, primarily devoted to 'Buddhist studies', and I stayed there with a Laotian monk I'd met in Bodh Gaya. In a spell of very wet weather, I trekked up to Vaisali, headquarters of the ancient Vajjian Kingdom: little had been done in the way of excavation there, although there are two stupas where small quantities of ash from the cremated body of the Buddha were unearthed, as well as one of Asoka's pillars unfortunately defaced at the base by tourists who had chiselled their names into the stone ('E.F. Simons, 1831, 'J.S. Stevenson 1790', etc.)

Kusinagar, where the cremation actually occurred, was next, a pleasant enough place, but aside from the death and cremation of the Buddha not much happened there, so a day of radiant sunshine later I went on to Savatthi, where the Buddha spent 25 years, and saw extensive ruins -- a large city existed there at one time, perhaps even bigger than Rajagaha -- amidst sparse jungle. By this time my capacity to absorb was getting pretty clogged, and I realized I wouldn't he able to get much out of Savatthi beyond surface impressions: too much happened there. So, after a couple days of wandering around, I called it quits, and went on to Lumbini, just across the Nepal border, where the Buddha was born. The site is marked by an old Asokan pillar, now cracked up the stem and with its capital in fragments. But a beautiful temple was there -- looked after by a fine old Nepalese monk -- full of ornately-carved woodwork of traditional Nepalese handicraft, Tibetan-style wall paintings, and many other fine touches. From Lumbini I had to re-enter India to get to Katmandu, there being no Nepal road, and it took an exhausting three days on narrow-guage trains and a rattletrap truck to reach Katmandu.

When the truck conked out at a pass of about 8200 feet (Katmandu's in a valley; only about 4500 feet) I got out and had the pleasure of making a snowball. I felt it was the least I could do, and -- since I did no more -- apparently the most I could do too…

11 August 2008

Letter 2.63

In two days there will begin a meditation retreat at the Burmese temple here in Bodh Gaya, which I expect to join. Listening to some of the Burmese monks chanting Pali, the lilt and cadence struck me as oddly familiar. Finally it dawned on me: the abbot of the Buddhist temple in Calcutta, Ven, Dhammapala, who ordained me, and taught me my first Pali chants, was originally from a village near Cox's Bazaar, not far from the Burmese border, and his teacher, the monk who ordained him, was a much-revered Burmese bhikkhu who lived alone in the jungle near his village. Ergo, I guess I have a bit of a Burmese accent -- in Pali.

As for the persons joining the retreat -- which lasts ten days -- most appear to be young Westerners: some are earnest, others are looking simply for what they think of as 'far out', others are curious, a few, monks and laymen, have extensive previous practice. A very mixed bag -- but all quite friendly, and -- even though many of those involved have strong Hindu leanings -- there is a very different atmosphere to the whole thing than I've met in the Hindu groups -- somehow it seems less frivolous. The freaky gesture, the wild eyes, the zennish talk ('everything is one; nothing really exists; it's all the same,' etc.) -- when g these are seen they stand out as something foreign to the atmosphere, rather than part of it, as in the Hindu sessions, and there seems a clearer sense of direction -- and calmness -- here. Even the Hinou-oriented have noted this. One, a follower of Baba Ram Das (Alpert), who wears his hair in a topknot, was, he said, amazed to find a place where people actually mean what they say and do.

Bodh Gaya itself helps. None of the English-country-estate lawns and gardens of Sarnath. The mud huts of the village extend everywhere, almost up to 5 the doorsteps of the pilgrimage places, but the area is dominated not by the village with its fields of rice, and bustle of life from people, dogs, wild (or atleast loose) pigs, sheep, goats, cows, and buffalo, but by the Maha Bodhi temple, a very high and unusual temple behind the tree under which the Buddha sat at the time he attained Enlightenment. (The original tree is no longer there: it was accidentally? destroyed by the British when they were doing excavations, and has been replaced with a shoot from the tree at Anuradhapura, which is itself a shoot from the original tree.) The temple is a gorgeous structure unlike any I've ever seen; a sort of synthesis of architectural styles of all the Buddhist countries and the ancient Buddhist stupas or monuments of India (such as at Sanchi); very elegant: a bell-shaped dome is topped by what resembles a Papal cross of stone -- with three crossbars -- surrounded by three smaller domes; every inch of the building is sculpted with ornate designs, and, perhaps, more than any single features its many meditative niches and corners give it its distinctive character.

Life centers around this temple for the devotees, especially the Tibetans, many of whom measure the circumference of the area surrounding the temple with their bodies, prostrating themselves endlessly as they slowly work their way around the grounds. Inside the temple one room echoes constantly to the chanting of the pious as they read from their sacred books -- books made of sheets of paper unbound, about two and a half feet long and perhaps six inches high, with Tibetan script (put, they say, Sanskrit language) -- about seven lines to the page. The sound struck me as not unlike that heard inside an orthodox shul, but the Tibetans, in their purple and yellow dresses, dark faces with sharply pronounced features and high cheekbones and long hair, often in braids or topknot, hardly look like East European Jews. (My impression -- just passing -- is that probably 25% of the Westerners here are of Jewish background. I remember reading somewhere that something of the same percentage of Jews were involved in the San Francisco scenes of the 60's.) The large contingent of Tibetans about is due partly to the presence of the Dalai Lama, who is staying (for the winter, I think, before returning to his usual home, Dharamsala, about 100 miles west of Almora) at the beautiful Tibetan Rest House.

It's cold still -- though I've enough warm robes -- in the mornings even colder than Almora. Here the air is heavy and the sun rises and sets as a dull cold orange ball giving off insufficient heat to penetrate the heavy air. But once warm it stays warm for a while after sunset, and shadows are not cold. In a quiet, unadorned way the place is rather enchanting.

I look forward to the retreat.

9 August 2008

Letter 2.62

(On the day I finished a 40 day fast by Elk Lake, on southern Vancouver Island, I received the last aerogramme from Almora. On the inside of it was painted in water-color-thanka-style -- an emaciated sadhu reminiscent of Siddharta Gautama sitting cross-legged at the root of the bo tree on the verge of becoming the Buddha; only he, with green halo, was seated on a green lotus in a black void -- Hūm)

How's dis for mountains, hey?

Will I arrive at Mahasamuddra and cross over, by possibly monsoon, to find out about Siamese rain and other such romances? Or will it be back to the land of coconuts, and all those undiscovered vitamins, stringhoppers, rabbit holes, mad tea parties, and whatnot?

What's going on? Something coming off?

V.

8 August 2008

Letter 2.61

I'm happy to know my small paintings arrived safely and have afforded you some pleasure. Yes, they took many hours each, the detail work -- one of the distinctive features of thankas -- being a very slow and careful job. The original designs were taken from a series of prints from which I selected figures I liked and copied them onto blank paper in outline, then painted the outlines, restoring the original detail as much as I could. I used water-color, a very fine brush, an concentration. I began with a box of school-children's type water-colors, but eventually wound up with bottles and tubes of all sorts.

The war seems to be over -- so I'm told. Probably you were better informed on what was going on than I was (or am). Still, it affected re more seriously than I'd expected, since it created a kerosene shortage and for a while it looked like we would have to use candles at night (a more expensive proposition). But then we scored a 4-gallon tin, which is a month's supply. Also, I've had a one-year extension of my visa, so there's no concern -- there never was -- of being evacuated. (Even evacuation would be alright with me: it would probably mean a free trip to Nepal.) However, since the government will not evacuate me due to the heat of the war, I'm now obliged to evacuate myself due to the cold of winter and in about a week I'll be leaving for Bodh Gaya, the place (in the plains, to the east of Benares), where the Buddha attained enlightenment.

Already departed from the scene are an elderly American, Henry, formerly a Vedantic monk for five years and a psychiatrist, who is trying to buy an estate up here to settle on (Henry has given up his practice, having, presumably, made a bundle); Jennifer, a plump young Canadian girl (her father was an American who fled to Canada during the Korean war to evade the draft) who, having been nurtured on LSD ('acid baby' is, I think, the term used), no longer has much interest in freak scenes and has a cool collected head -- she's joining her brother in an ashram near Bombay; Gary, an American, who has a hashish-smuggling racket, and his girlfriend Judy, English, formerly a Tibetan nun, both to take a meditation course from an elderly Burmese gentleman in Bombay; Sally and Win Chamberlain, who are under-(or over)-ground New York film-makers; Tensing, a Harvard graduate student on a foreign study fellowship doing Tibetan studies (he's the former monk from the New Jersey Tibetan monastery) and his Swedish wife, who was formerly the wife of Richard Leary (Timothy Alpert?) -- with whom(s?) both Henry and Win also had connections -- and various hippies, heads, and other types too probable and improbable to describe.

Still around are such people as Nick and his Swedish wife Eva, who have just returned from a three month trip to Tibet (a small part of which, nearly inaccessible is held by the Nepal government -- they tell of 21,000 feet passes, seeing people washes away crossing rivers, etc., and have some excellent photographs of the journey -- Nick speaks fluent Tibetan); Sunnyata, an 84 year old Danish Hindu sadhu; and Pat, a middle-aged American following Hindu ascetic practices (she vas formerlv a successful artist, and gave me some basic advice on the thankas); Carol, an English girl who practices witchcraft; and a host of others. Names keep changing, but the typos don't.

It’s been an amusing 6 months, watching it from the outside. But I couldn't imagine being more than a spectator, and so Bodh Gaya seems the inevitable conclusion to Almora.

7 August 2008

Letter 2.60

Mountain villages, unlike plains villages, are spread out with fields between the houses, so there are no houses 'next door' -- the nearest is several fields away, and not on the same level either. Plains villages, on the other hand, often have the narrowest passages between houses, and sometimes share common walls like apartment buildings. (The plains villages are also sometimes enclosed by defense walls.) In Ceylon the opposite pattern is found: in the plains the houses are spread out with fields between them (Ceylon never had the invasions, etc., that require defensive village works), but in the hills the villages are built by the tea estate owners for the tea pickers, and are as close as possible to each other to allow for more tea bushes. (No tea is grown in Kumaon, which is the dry side of the Himalayas, but Darjeeling tea is highly valued.)

You'll notice that refugee relief taxes now apply to postage, as well as a lot of other things. When I was in Delhi recently there were several mock air raids -- mock in every sense, since they were looked upon generally as a nuisance to be cooperated with as little as possible. The Delhi papers are full of Bangladesh Freedom Fighter Victory Reports -- which have an air of vague plausibility and cars have bumper and windshield stickers: LIBERATE BANGLADESH; PUNISH YAHYA; CRUSH PAKISTAN. The only concern we have in Almora is that if a war does start (no one really knows if it will) they may try to evacuate us, since we're close to restricted border territory, as I'm told happened in '65, when they got everyone into evacuation centers ready to ship them out of the country, but the war ended before anyone got sent out (as it almost certainly would again), and so everyone was released again. War in these parts has something to be said for it. My only brush with belligerents so far was in Delhi: a troop of Hari Krishna freaks from California besieged the city, trying to convert the blasé Indians to the True Faith -- talk about selling ice-boxes to the Eskimos! -- I was first mistaken for one (a Krishna freak not an Eskimo), then spiritually propositioned by one (a Krishna Eskimo for all I know) -- and would have -- preferred, I think, a Moslem invasion by the Pakistan Army.

Far from that madness, the fields are green with winter wheat. The cherry trees are in blossom (yes, I know it's late November; nevertheless the cherry trees are in blossom); leaves glisten in the bright sunlight, which each morning illuminates the dew gathered in thousands of spider webs. The nine forests waver green and silver through wafting fog.

6 August 2008

Letter 2.59

The last time I saw Buddhananda he confided to me, with the air of divulging a state secret, that he was going off to Sarnath for a while. (Sarnath, a few miles outside Benares, is where the Buddha first taught his Teaching; consequently there's a large Buddhist settlement there with numerous temples from various countries.) So, my mail drop's now at Mary Opplinger's place: she's an elderly Quaker from New England who has been here for 16 years. Her husband -- a Swiss working for some Swiss Church-sponsored foreign-aid group -- being off in Africa for the past few months, she has recently discovered a Hindu recluse who she is very taken with and whose teaching she now follows without being any less a Quaker for it. She's an expert in homeopathic medicine and treats all and sundry -- natives, hippies, freaks, cranks -- who call at her door. (In fact, her medicine cured some sores on my legs, caused by insect bites, that I'd not been able to rid myself of even using antibiotics and other Western potions.) She is, I suppose, the den mother up here.

I'm told that at Tibetan altitudes (over 10,000 feet) it's possible to fall asleep in shadow and wake up with both sunburn and frost-bite. These cooler clear days seen like a portent, though it never gets that extreme here -- but, for sure, winter's icumen in, and my thoughts run to thick woolen and fluffy down. Yet Time if not the seasons has a different character upon the hills -- it changes only as a cloud changes, simply shifting about imperceptibly while never seeming to change at all -- and it's easy to forget that in other parts it moves with the steady rhythm of an army on the march. But the clock and calendar of Kumaon -- the sun, the clouds, the trees -- are still timely.

5 August 2008

Letter 2.58

Actually I've got it all figured out now -- it's simply the altitude making me a bit giddy. But also (for nothing is really just 'simply') the sap is great I up here, flows freely providing much viriya [1], and is leaving me with a lot of time to do a lot of work on myself. I find the various scenes amusing, not presumptuous, when viewed from the proper distance (2,628'4,5", to be exact), just as I find the mountains presumptuous, not amusing, when viewed from an improper distance (anything less than 25 miles), and besides there's a big difference between being against things and being up against them. I'm against lobha, dosa, and moha [2], trying to not be up against them, and nothing else. But I've lost interest in the pharmacy of enlightenment long ago, and have failed to renew my subscription. (I used to sell Life, but I never sole Time.)

Your piece of ultimate reality arrived, my blessings to an honest postman (like what could he do with it, anyway?), and I'm closer to Thailand, not Ceylon, every day now, but there's coconuts there to, never fear, never fear. Still, even when I get there, I'm just gonna try to fine me a nice mountain, 'cause the lowlands just ain't for me. Whether to pass through, around, under or over, but neither down nor up. Perhaps just 'on'?

Lama Govinda, by the way -- will be in Vancouver, apparently, some time around the end of the year, or maybe after. Since you sang for your tea -- in Pali -- when you saw him in Almora -- maybe you'd like to try again?

Recycle wastes??! Lawdy, ain't goin' 'round once ‘nuff?! We always do end up going around twice, to say the least, but let's not make a virtue of non-necessity. Water's fine for fighting fire, if you got water (Oh! Is that what Vas is for?), but one thing you can be sure you've got if you're fighting fire, and that's fire, and as far as I know I've never met a man who had water (which, I believe, is the essence of the sotapanna [3] – viz. Ven. Ñānavīra Thera -- and not of the puthujjana [4]. This suggests a different, non-recyclable, use for wastes, does it is not? Or doesn't it?

(Look, my friend. First I hold it up at the ends of my fingers, balanced there like the egg the magician makes appear out of nowhere, and exhibits. Look, this piece of space I hold for us to examine. Now I set it down, and see how quickly it is absorbed into this table and runs out to saturate everything.)

Ho hūm,

V.

[1] viriya: (Pali) energy
[2] lobha, dosa, moha: (Pali) greet, hatred, and delusion
[3] sotapanna: (Pali) stream-attainer (see p.11 for definition -- Hum)
[4] puthujjana: (Pali) commoner; unenlightened person

4 August 2008

Letter 2.57

I'm convinced now that the magnificently sculpted mountains have strongly influenced the people here, so that their minds become better sculpted. Everyone out here -- the Indians, the freaks, the lamas, Tibetans, and other oddities -- seems to be on well-directed trips (of different velocities and varying rates of cycles per second) trying to find a level at high altitude. The openness of the Himalayas is an open invitation to spread one's wings, drop one's burdens, and join the eagles in the sky. So for the three months of Vas (rainy season) retreat I'll be living on Crank's Ridge, where I feel very much at home. The mountains -- let alone the rest of the fairyland trip -- may help me to live in peace, to be as straight as I can, and to cool my head. That, at any rate, is what's on the menu for this Vas. We shall see how well I fill my plate.

Lama Govinda will be leaving shortly for a year or so, lecturing at, I believe, Southern Methodist University (he's been invited by the Methodist Church), and Suññata Bahaji is in Denmark at present, visiting his ailing elder sister (he's somewhere about 85 years old), so we're a bit short on Big Names at the mo, but Baba Ram Das (Richard Alpert) is down the footpath at Kausani -- about 8 miles toward Bageshwar -- and, locally, we have the Ven. Buddhananda (Ronald Boughan), a recently ordained former Intelligence officer for the British Foreign Service, who, says, with a sinister and confidential grin, that he still keeps a hand in the game. (Did you meet him when you were out this way? He lives in Snowview.) Then we have Win Chamberlain, the producer-director of a film called 'Brand X'. (I've never heard of him or his film before, but apparently it got good reviews and a bit of attention in some of the more ethereal segments of North American culture: have you heard of/seen it?) and an intimate of Timothy Leary. We also have Leary's ex—wife, a lanky Swede married to a Harvard grad student doing studies in Tibetology (he'd been a Tibetan monk for four years in -- yup -- New Jersey), so it's not surprising that rumors maintain that Leary Himself has fled from Algeria (where, I'm told, he was being held prisoner by the Black Panthers -- politics makes incredible bedfellows) and is hiding out either in the Kumaon hills or in Scandinavia. (Neither of us, of course, will believe a word of it, will we?) And then… but enough: you are now aware that the spiritual-pharmaceutical fringe is very biz in these parts (at the mo).

I've been to see Lama Govinda several times, and shall see him a few more times before he splits. He's a fine old man, alert, friendly, with a good head, fine vibes, and lots of undiscovered vitamins. He came from Germany together with Ven. Nyanaponika (of the Forest Hermitage and Buddhist Publication Society fame) and Swami Garibalda, who holes up near Jaffna. All three, at one time, were Theravada monks at the Island Hermitage. It's interesting to see, after thirty years, what each of them has done with his life. Certainly Lama Govinda -- scholarship and other diversions aside -- has been making some good use of his time, and has profited by it. He manages, nonetheless, to enshroud himself in a few romantic veils (stitched in secret by his wife?).

If I can keep the body together (which will require reasonably good health) and shitting at the proper rate (which will require some funds), there will be nothing to stop the mind from holding together and shitting at the proper rate. 'Monks, whoever eats and drinks needs to shit and piss' And again: 'There are, monks, these four foods: solid food, whether coarse or fine, contact second, thirdly mental-intention (mano sañcetanā) and consciousness as fourth'. Your tract on defecation was good. What about the void in the bowels after the movement? If it all comes out in the end, when does the end come out? As for contact (consider the sensory-deprivation experiments), mental-intention (i.e. time-structuring) and consciousness, what they produce (i.e. shit) is worthy of consideration. So too is it worthwhile to consider what they are, which, in the present terminology, is that they're itches produced by the mosquito bites of the mind. Shit is what happens when we scratch them. Thanks for pointing that out. Dhamma is a spiritual calamine lotion. It is also a mental flit bomb. It's for eliminating the cause of the itch, and not for finding a better way to scratch, There are no mosquitos on Crank's Ridge -- except the ones we bring with us.

Om Hūm,

V.

3 August 2008

Letter 2.56

No, my handwriting is not a strain on my eyes. I didn't even think it particularly small. I‘ve a little book of texts, etc. that I've collected over the years. Intended for use while travelling, I wrote as small as possible to get in as much as I could, and that's really small. I used a Parker 21 fountain pen and it took a lot of care to write, especially since much of it was in Pali. Anyway, that's how I learned to write small and legible. Perhaps, I'll nest take up thumb-nail sketches.

Perhaps it is the rarer atmosphere that makes kite-flying difficult. I'd ascribed it to my lack of skill. Two nights ago the mountains were visible at sunset for the first time since the rains began; then at dusk huge fires were lit everywhere in the valley, and on the Ridge, and on the distant hills, celebrating -- I think -- the Hindu New Year (at Autumn Equinox?), and yesterday, for the first time since Nepal in '66, it was possible for me to see the mountains all day long, and this morning -- about 10 AM -- there's still not a cloud in the sky. Not a breeze, which makes me suspect that I can now retire my kite (a large diamond shape, which I made myself).

No, I have no interest in writing books. At present I'm concerned with another art-form, one admittedly less salable, but much more satisfying, which is called meditation, and might be looked at as turning oneself into 'a work of art' -- i.e. making oneself more pleasing to be in the presence of -- and this takes up most of my time. I sometimes pick up a paint-brush, however, and see if I can coax the color and line into something resembling a thanka, a Tibetan religious painting. This requires delicate work and fine concentration.

As for the Cranks of the Ridge, there seems to be little space left on this aerogramme, but, perhaps, special mention should be made of Buddhananda, who I stayed with briefly when I first arrived. He's a fat old Englishman ordained earlier this year after his retirement from the Intelligence and Security branch of the British High Commission, whose mind is still warped by his past: he's always pulling off little 'coup d'etats' to 'keep in practice', such as picking the lock of a door when he has the key in his pocket, and he knows the intimate life of 250,000,000 of India's 500,000,000 population. He tells, in the strictest confidence, the same stories to everyone he meets, even casual strangers. He has a black heart of gold. He's lived on Crank's Ridge longer than most of the Cranks.